Uncle Sam Seeks Harder, Deeper Penetrator

Uncle Sam went looking for professional help last month when he decided his penetrator needed to be harder and go deeper to get the job done.

The Wall Street Journal was the first to drag the sordid tale out of the closet.

Pentagon war planners have concluded that their largest conventional bomb isn't yet capable of destroying Iran's most heavily fortified underground facilities, and are stepping up efforts to make it more powerful, according to U.S. officials briefed on the plan.

The 30,000-pound "bunker-buster" bomb, known as the Massive Ordnance Penetrator, was specifically designed to take out the hardened fortifications built by Iran and North Korea to cloak their nuclear programs.

But initial tests indicated that the bomb, as currently configured, wouldn't be capable of destroying some of Iran's facilities, either because of their depth or because Tehran has added new fortifications to protect them.

Doubts about the MOP's effectiveness prompted the Pentagon this month to secretly submit a request to Congress for funding to enhance the bomb's ability to penetrate deeper into rock, concrete and steel before exploding, the officials said.

It's to be expected, I suppose. Given his massive financial troubles, his increasingly belligerent attitude toward his neighbors, his constant disagreements with Lady Liberty, the paranoia that has him spying on her every move, and his incessant battles with his dependents over things like marijuana use, health care, how they travel, and even what they eat and drink, it can hardly come as a surprise that he's concerned about his ability to project his masculinity and retain his role as cock of the walk.

Maybe he should try a red pill, instead of the blue ones he's been taking.

...and that's all I have to say about that.